for some reason today i feel this surge of self-pity
must be because of the frickin cramps
which i cannot seem to shake despite
the number of pink pills i've popped

today i feel, for a lack of a better word,
weird.
w e i r d like i want to laugh and cry out loud
abit like those schizo AJ days when we'd
laugh and cry and eat and laugh and cry
part of me now feels insanely jealous
yet insanely loving

part of me feels not special
and wants to melt under the table to sleep
all of me feels weary
but my eyes are artificially bright
with an artificial gleam.

part of me is angry, because while you say i'm
your first love, it isn't totally true
and we both know it.
and sometimes we sit in the car and it feels even
wider a chasm.